Sometimes adults say very stupid things to children. Things that are meant to be helpful but can make life a lot worse for the child. Sometimes we say them because we are nervous and we can't think of anything better to say. Sometimes we say them because we ourselves can't stand seeing the child's pain.

Saying "Look after your mother!", at the graveside of the father is one of those sentences that adults like to say, that puts a lot of pressure on a child that needs to be looked after right now.

Even if you are feeling nervous and out of your depth, please do not avoid the subject or the child, just because you feel helpless.  Better admit, "I don't know what to say, but this is very sad."  Do not tell them what they should or shouldn't feel, or that they must forget and move on.

It might help you to understand that the pain is actually very important to most people, children and adults, and very special. Because in that pain they still feel a very deep connection with the person who has died. When you try and take the pain away it can feel to them that you are trying to take their love for that person away.