Khululeka grief support for children and youth

Talking about grief

The way we talk about grief can tell us a lot about how we understand it.

In Xhosa we use the word "intlungu" to describe pain and then get more specific about what we are in pain. We also use the word "ukubindeka" which means that you have something in your throat that you can’t swallow.

In Afrikaans you will hear the word "hartseer" to describe grief which means that the heart is aching or sore. For "mourning" we use the word "beween", which means that we surround something with our tears.

The English word "bereavement" comes from the word "bereft", which describes the feeling that you have when something is taken from you abruptly or violently.

Understanding each other's culture can give us some rich insight into our own grief and can make us more sensitive to other people's experience.

Here you will find more information on traditions and how to explain them to children in a helpful way.

Letter from makhulu

Please mail us, if you have any cross-cultural insight or can explain the meaning of some rituals to us.

Living between Cultures

Culture is what we call the things we do that we have all
developed together.

When you live with your soul in many cultures it is much harder to grieve
because you are always torn between two worlds.
So you might be wondering
if the person you love is now an ancestor looking after you
or in heaven worshipping God.
You might on one side live in a world that believes
there are many lives to come
and on the other side, that there is nothing at all after this life.

For children growing up between cultures
can be even more conflictual
because they think very graphically.

To help them bring the worlds together and find a good place
in their soul that keeps the connection to the person
and the memories alive.

So it is very important for them if they understand
why we have certain traditions and rituals.